No need for a play-off

Avram Grant, the Chelsea manager, may have called for a play-off in the event of two teams finishing the English Premier League season level on points at the top of the table, but he was wrong to cite Italy as an example of his preferred option.

Serie A switched to considering teams’ head-to-head records a couple of years ago – a system that would see Manchester United win the title by virtue of their 3-2 aggregate lead over Chelsea.

Ultimately, however, Grant’s suggestions proved to be unnecessary. A glance at the “Points” column for 2007/08 will provide him with the separation he so craves.

Cousteau, Louganis, Drogba - The Progression of Diving

Game Two of the recent NBA Play-Off series between Houston Rockets and Utah Jazz last month sparked much controversy due to the actions of Andrei Kirilenko, the Jazz power forward. As Houston’s Tracy McGrady shaped up for a successful three-point attempt to tie the game with 45 seconds remaining, his team-mate Luis Scola thrust a hand to Kirilenko’s shoulder in an effort to prevent the Utah man from making a block. Upon contact, Kirilenko crashed to the hardwood floor. An offence was called and Utah promptly sealed the game on their next possession.

That Scola had unwisely fouled Kirilenko was not in question, but the manner of the Russian’s fall caused a major outcry from fans and media alike. Quite simply, flopping has no place in the macho world of American sports. A listen to ice hockey broadcasters covering the road to the Stanley Cup finals results in a similar story being heard. In a sport notorious for vicious fights and wanton acts of violence, the most despised crimes being committed are not by thuggish defensemen brandishing sticks at opposing talents but by those indulging in a spot of “embellishment”. Hockey, you see, is a game for real men.

With the stakes equally high in this week’s Champions’ League semi-finals, Rafa Benitez stirred the pot ahead of Liverpool’s trip to Stamford Bridge by suggesting that Didier Drogba resided in the same company as Kirilenko. The Ivorian may have confessed that “sometimes I dive” in a televised post-match interview in the past – language problems obviously – but he responded defiantly, suggesting that he had lost all respect for a manager who would make such unprofessional suggestions of a player. Add a bad memory to the list of Drogba’s unsavoury characteristics given his former mentor’s childish outbursts aimed in the direction of Cristiano Ronaldo in the past.

Drogba took little time on Wednesday night to undermine his flimsy defence. All of thirty seconds had elapsed when he theatrically flung himself to the turf following minimal contact with Xabi Alonso. Natalia Yurchenko, the ground-breaking Russian gymnast, would have been impressed with his loop and pike.

One wonders how Drogba survives in everyday life. Can you imagine the punishment his knees endure while out on a busy shopping day on the Kings Road? Picture the Waitrose bags spewing their contents all over the pavement as fellow pedestrians brush past. Heaven forbid someone tries to squeeze by him in a crowded movie theatre – his poor date would be drowning in popcorn and soda.

The towering striker received praise at the weekend for showing concern over the well-being of Nemanja Vidic, the Manchester United defender, after he accidentally kneed him in the mouth removing several teeth in the process. Slow motion replays revealed that even on this occasion Drogba was seemingly intent on causing anguish and bemusement for the viewers. With a falsely pained expression expertly etched onto his face, he was already in mid-twist when the severity of the damage to Vidic became clear. Thankfully he halted his collapse to save himself from certain humiliation.

Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe Drogba suffers from an acute inner ear disease which constantly affects his balance. Who knows? What is for sure is that this leopard is most unlikely to be changing his spots leaving I, and no doubt millions of other football fans around the world, diving in disgust for the remote control whenever he appears on screen.

The Absence of Frank

The Independent newspaper’s blog pages carry a controversial post from Henry Deedes who dares to suggest that the continuing absence from the Chelsea line-up of Frank Lampard, dealing with the recent death of his mother, is a sign of unprofessionalism given the magnitude of the current fixture list. Not surprisingly the majority of responses from fellow bloggers have been vehemently critical of Deedes, but I can appreciate where he is coming from. Agreeing with his viewpoint, however, is another matter.

Lampard is coping with a situation which I have no experience of, one which we all have to confront at some point and one which everyone must handle in their own individual way. For the majority of us who exist in far less profile employment, getting back to work may present an opportunity to shift the focus back to the ongoing trials and tribulations of life, albeit with an ultimately uncostly blip in short-term performance. International footballers are not afforded this luxury – they are expected to produce time after time, regardless of circumstance.

Whether Lampard is in a position to provide his best displays at a time when a handful of key matches will define the English and European seasons should not be an issue. Chelsea, unlike most employers, have a wealth of resources at their disposal to compensate for the loss of one individual. In remaining out of the spotlight, Lampard may feel that with his mind not in a position to concentrate at its optimum level, the team’s goals will be better served by the inclusion of a more than capable deputy.

He should be welcomed back to the fold in his own time, when he feels he is ready to do so.

Sorry Avram, but Chelsea does not deserve title

Since becoming the manager of Chelsea last September, Avram Grant has succeeded in returning some semblance of dignity and respect to the Stamford Bridge club which had been all but removed by his narcissistic predecessor. Despite salvaging the wreckage of Chelsea’s early season form, however, Grant continues to be pilloried by the new generation of supporter in West London; those who have solely experienced the bullying, arrogance, moral bankruptcy and hollow glories of the Oligarch Era.

Grant could not have faced a more daunting debut than Manchester United at Old Trafford, but following that timid 2-0 defeat he quietly guided his troops into contention for an unlikely quadruple of trophies before elimination at the hands of Tottenham (in the League Cup Final) and Barnsley (FA Cup) switched the focus firmly onto the two major prizes.

Only one Premiership match has been lost since his first game and that came against Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium due to a blunder by Petr Cech. The possibility of a trip to Moscow next month to contest the Champions’ League Final remains a firm possibility if Grant can outmanoeuvre Rafa Benitez, the Liverpool manager, in the semi-final; a task which Jose Mourinho proved so spectacularly incapable of achieving.

Speaking in the aftermath of Manchester United’s thrilling victory over Arsenal yesterday, Grant was quoted making some interesting remarks on the title race in today’s Times newspaper. “It’s been a very difficult year, I don’t know if other clubs could do what we’re doing – the injuries to big players, the African Cup of Nations, all the problems we’ve had and we’re still winning games, ” he said. He is correct in that it has been a troublesome year for the club, but the availability of untold riches lavished on Chelsea’s squad does render the comparison to other clubs as completely irrelevant.

As for the title race, Grant opined that “we deserve it after what we’ve had this year”. Although he is entitled to his own opinion, few will share his sentiments. Are Chelsea deserving of the title because of the attractive, expansive, free-flowing, exciting nature of their play? That box remains firmly unticked. Are Chelsea deserving of the title because of the exhilarating quality and talents displayed by some of the greatest footballers of the present day? That box remains firmly unticked. Are Chelsea deserving of the title because of their outstanding sportsmanship, acceptance of refereeing decisions and general attitude towards their fellow professionals? Best not even go there, agreed Ashley?

Given how he appeared from relative obscurity to become manager of one of Europe’s most prominent club sides, Grant will be all too aware that in football you do not necessarily get what you deserve. You get what you get, irrespective of meritocracy. That said, it would appear that Emile Heskey’s injury-time equaliser for Wigan at Stamford Bridge this evening all but seals another championship for Sir Alex Ferguson’s highly deserving Manchester United team.